Guarded

“How is one supposed to know when to trust someone versus when to stay guarded? How is one supposed to evaluate the risk of establishing a relationship? Will it be worth it? Will I get hurt? Geesh. Who the hell knows? I think I tend to be guarded; it takes awhile for me to get close to someone. In a way, I think it has saved me from a lot of heartache; but I also think that being guarded has prevented me from establishing a lot of relationships that could have turned out to be wonderful. Sometimes, I get mad at myself for not letting my guard down. Perhaps, if I let my guard down, I’d have more than…like, four friends.”

      -L. Postaski to Michelle Postaski; letter, dated 01/23/16

I am sure I am not the only one who can relate to what my sister (L. Postaski) expressed.

Trust is a tricky thing. I’d like to think that, for the most part, my instincts are accurate and my initial impression of a person dictates whether or not I should trust them.  Trust is something that determines the dynamics of any relationship. Trust is hard to gain and quick to lose. Without trust, only a superficial acquaintanceship can be formed.

Personally, I don’t have a football team of friends. In the past, I created expectations of my relationships. When a relationship did not meet my expectations, I felt let down. Overall, I think this has caused me to be more guarded than outgoing.

Like my sister, I have to wonder – what am I losing out on? Who have I blocked out of my life simply because I have allowed the fear of being hurt control me?

Being guarded consumes a lot of energy. Why should I allow the flaws of someone else prevent me from letting my guard down?

Do you have a hard time trusting? Let’s make an effort to stop fear from winning.

My sister is right- we never know what relationship could turn out to be wonderful.